Date: I love dogs
Me: [trying to think of something to impress her] my dad is a dog
— james nielssen (@jamesnielssen) August 11, 2016
*calling you out of the blue*
Hey I was just overthinking something you said a couple months back. Call me back when you have a chance!
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 19, 2016
INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills?
ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*
— Michael Misses His Puppy (@Home_Halfway) April 1, 2015
⚪️In a relationship
🔘Unable to find love because in addition to having a resting bitch face, being extra shy and socially awkward, my standards have been set unrealistically too high by Shawn Mendes and Harry Styles
— ryan (@ryyyyandalion) October 8, 2017